Welcome to the fifth installment of Troublesome Fictions, the weekly rant wherein grant gibbers and raves about stories he didn't think much about before meeting his daughter, but which now make him feel weird.

This week, we look back. Far back in the mists of time, to a time before grant was even born. Oh, to be as fond of old movies as grant's family....



Oh, the divine Doris Day. The ebullient Brian Keith. And all their children.

What is this? With Six, You Get Eggroll, starring Doris Day, Brian Keith and a bunch of kids. And George Carlin. The inspiration for TV's Brady Bunch series.

Why is it troublesome? I've adopted two kids from China. You know, it's amazing how many people have seen this movie. Or are at least familiar with the title -- familiar enough that it falls so trippingly off the tongue. On the one hand: why not? It's a great movie! It's funny! It has wholesome Doris Day getting kinda kinky! And George Carlin being, well, George Carlin! Only younger and snappier! On the other hand: The title is based on the 1960s Comedy Asian. I mean, forget that they made "eggroll" one word. It's that guy -- he was Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffany's. Victor Sen Yung on Bonanza (the dude who played Hop Sing, remember?). The foolish one with the funny accent and the strange rules. He's not a big player in this movie, but in the public consciousness, he was big enough that they named the movie after him.

And now, hey! It's a ready punchline!

Does the trouble extend to other areas? Actually, it almost exclusively exists in other areas. It's that the stinkin' phrase is everywhere. I refuse to surrender my love for Doris Day (or, for that matter, for Audrey Hepburn singing "Moon River," despite her upstairs neighbor). But it makes me feel a little weird!