How to order a drink in China.

Chinese – or, I should say, Mandarin, the official spoken language of China*, has a bad rap as being a Very Difficult Language. I’m not sure this is entirely deserved – after all, more human beings speak it than any other language, and people are more or less the same wherever you go.

It’s actually quite simple for most English-speakers to get a few sentences of Mandarin together – enough to a/impress people that you’re trying, and b/ maintain a little bit of sanity during what can be a brain-shattering experience (by which I mean immersion in Chinese society as much as the process of going somewhere far away where they all speak funny and adopting a baby). People make a lot out of the tones in Mandarin, but basically, if you either pretend you’re angry (doh!), uncertain (huh?), impressed (oOOooh) or intimidated (a high-pitched YIPE) while saying a word, you’ve got the tones down already.

(*Which even more confusingly is not called “Mandarin” in Mandarin, but “Putonghua,” (poo-tong!-hooah?) meaning “common tongue.”)

So, brain health: Tea’s good for me, but liquor, as they say, is quicker. You’re apprehensive about what tomorrow will bring. You’re stuck in whatever five-star hotel they’ve stuck you in, or else you experience a sudden panic attack on a city sidewalk. You need a drink.

Grabbing the arm of a passing stranger, you inquire:

• Panicky Parent-to-be: Jiudian, zai nar? (Jee-oOOooo DIAN, tsai nar?)

  - Where’s a bar?

  (Literally, “alcohol-shop located where?”)

• Bemused Local: Jiudian zai nar! Zai Chang-An Jie. (Jee-oOOoo DIAN, tsai nar! Tsai CHUNG-an jee-ehHHhh.)

  - The bar’s over there. It’s on Long-Peace Street.

• PP: Xie-xie ni! (hseeuh-hseeuh neeEEee)

  - Thank you!

  …and you enter the establishment.

• PP: Ni hao, jiubao! (neeEEee how?, jee-oOOoo ba-OOww)

  - Hello, bartender!

• BL (Bemused Liquor-seller): Ni hao, Meiguoren. (neeEEee how?, maAAay goo-oh? yren.)

  - Hello, American.

• BL: Ni xiang yidiar he ma? (neeEEee hseeang YEE-dee-ar huh? ma)

  - Would you like anything to drink?

• PP: Xiang! Wu xiang yao yi-pei pijiu. (hseeang. Whoah? hseeang yow! YEE-pay PEE-jee-ooOOooh.)

  - Yes! I’d like to have a beer.

  (Literally, “one-glass beer”; if there are two of you, it’d be liang-pei, if three, san-pei and so on.)

• BL: Bu xiang yao baijiu ma? (boo hseeang yow! buy? jee-ooOooh ma.)

  - You don’t want baijiu?

  (Literally, “bai-jiu” means “white wine,” but it’s the name for Chinese grain alcohol, a.k.a. Chinese rocket fuel.)

• PP: Bu xiang baijiu, keshi wu-de tai-tai xiang yao yi-pei putaojiu. (boo hseeang buy? jee-ooOooh, kuUUuh-shuh! woah!-duh tai!-tai! hseeang yow! YEE-pay poo? ta-ow? jee-ooOooh)

  - I don’t want baijiu, but my wife would like a glass of wine.

  (”My husband” would be “wu-de xian-sheng,” woah!-duh SHEE-EN SHONG.)

• BL: Nuo. (no?)

  - OK, here you go!

  (I swear I’m not making that up.)

And now you can relax. Just a little.

Don’t overdo it – your choices can be bewildering.

And don’t forget the real Chinese lessons at The London Times and the wonderful Chinesepod.com.

You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.