I can't exactly remember when My Forthright Spouse and I first really decided to adopt. I remember sort of talking about it, and then it was suddenly happening. This seems to follow how the pregnancy-type of family-making happens, only with more notaries and fewer doctor visits - you can talk and talk and then suddenly you're there, having to do things on checklists and filing and watching calendars and talking to Important People with Important Titles on the phone.

I was thinking of this when I read this story about a couple from Mattoon, Illinois, whose first steps into the adoption process were taken at a Stephen Curtis Chapman concert. (Is it appropriate to find that kind of funny?) It's a cute story, though - they went with their son, the son turned to the mom and said, "Hey, why don't you look at some of that adoption information?" and mom said, "OK, but I don't think your dad would be interested," and then realized that dad was already reading it.

So it seemed like a good idea, and then suddenly they're in Youxi City meeting this small child. At least they know how it all began.

Some people, of course, have parenthood - even adoptive parenthood - thrust upon them by circumstances beyond our control, like the folks in the "Pumpkin Case" in New Zealand, which involves half-sisters and bodies in trunks and babies abandoned in train stations in Melbourne and a tearful grandmother in Shanghai. But this kind of thing is a little alien to the kind of conscious decision-making that goes on with (nearly all) Chinese adoptions.

We did talk with other people about the process early on - mostly using Yahoogroups, which seem to be kind of a thing in the Chinese adoption subculture. (And by the way, Yahoo! is being sued for human rights abuses in China. Just thought you should know.) But all that discussing - sharing nursery photos, talking about ways to include older kids in the process, swapping discoveries about packing or historical notes about this province or that - that all took place after that first decision was made. I always thought about adopting while growing up, but there had to be one single moment with that person to whom I am legally wed.

Now, I kinda wish it had made the local paper.